I hope they're worth it

It costs about £50k to train a commercial pilot.



It costs about £2m to train a fighter pilot.


At £4.5m each, those Tax Investigators should be pretty skillful...


Contributed by Joe Public

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A Reply from the Taxman

The Taxman's Answer

I was sent the following and I'm assured it is a genuine reply to a taxpayer. The Guardian published it I understand. It does show someone at HMRC has a sense of humour or at the very least the courtesy to respond.

Dear Mr [name removed],

I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.

Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand".. This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomited daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer, I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is, at best, a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to
the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government, in any way, expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores", whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

A couple of technical points arising from direct queries,

1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system.

2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because, even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that, even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India", you would still owe us the money.

Please send it to us by Friday.

Yours sincerely,

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Tax and Pensions

Tax and pensions are not exciting news to many of us, but I would like to bring your attention to a few matters concerning the subjects.

Firstly, are you aware you could have paid too much tax this year?  The new HMRC computer system has sent the wrong code to thousands of us.  Although HMRC has admitted it is aware of the problem, it is mainly leaving it up to individuals affected to contact it to right the situation.

Here are 10 tips from the accountant Smith and Williamson to help you check your PAYE tax code is correct.

There are notable basic changes in the State Pension, particularly in the rise of ages at which it can be claimed.

The 'qualifying years' have also been altered.  Currently men normally need 44 and women 39 to receive the full basic state pension.  However, if you reach State Pension age on or after 6 April 2010, you will only need 30 qualifying years.

Quite a change.  In the past men and women had to work most of their lives to receive a full pension - there was little allowance given for anyone wishing to undertake further education and even less for women who wanted to take a few years off to have a family.  That now appears to have been addressed, but the monetary value of the state pension needs to be indexed linked to earnings.  For too many years it was not and that caused distress to many pensioners, who were also suffering from Gordon Brown's raid on their well planned pension pots.

Check out your eligibility.  It's never too early to know the future.

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Sharing Income Tax

The title doesn't mean income tax will be shared more equally in this country, but it means your income tax details may be shared with other countries who have signed up to the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). The United Kingdom signed this agreement in 1961.

A meeting was held in Mexico City last week under the auspices of the Paris-based OECD, whose implicit goal is to create a global high-tax cartel.

In order to create a global tax cartel, the OECD needs to have tax information shared among nations - which means that the citizen of any country that signs on to this scheme may have his or her tax information shared with other member jurisdictions. It has managed to get 87 jurisdictions to sign on to its global 'tax standard'. The high-tax countries (of which we are certainly one), are using the OECD to threaten low-tax jurisdictions to sign this agreement.

It's worth mentioning that the tax bullies at the OECD and at other international organisation, such as the United Nations, International Monetary Fund and World Bank, who demand that others pay higher taxes, enjoy tax-free personal income courtesy of the world's taxpayers.

The good news is that some low-tax jurisdictions are beginning to fight back. Late last month, the oldest bank in Switzerland, Wegelin & Co., issued a remarkable investment commentary entitled 'Farewell America'. It's well worth a read.

Wegelin has decided to no longer invest in the US because the new IRS regulations, which foreign banks must follow, are so vague, onerous and incomprehensible that it could never be sure the bank was not at risk.

So remember, when you complete your tax return, the details could be sent all round the world for governments to peruse. All done without your authority or knowledge of course.

Source: Brussels Journal

Speaking of tax Spy Blog has an interesting story concerning security at HMRC.

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