Dear Santa

A post by Tedious Tantrums

Dear Santa,

Hello Santa. It’s been a few years since I last corresponded with you. I say corresponded although in reality it was all one-way traffic. I wrote and asked and you delivered, up to a point anyway.

I enjoyed the red and yellow fixed wheel Triang tricycle with the solid tyres you brought for my 4^th Xmas. I was also particularly keen on the huge crane for my 7^th, the gun that shot round corners for my 8^th and Tommy Gun (down market version of Action Man) although his orange facial colouring may well have been ahead of it’s time.

There were many other presents, which I also enjoyed. The pretend shop with it’s own wee till and the pretend post office with it’s stamper could be enjoyed for hours at a time. Meccano and Lego were equally splendid as was plasticine. Spirograph had it’s moments along colouring in books, sticker book rub on transfer book thingies, painting by numbers and plastic moulds for making plaster of paris figures could also be entertaining but probably only the once. Other oddities, included bagatelle, home knitted jumpers or socks or gloves, pyjamas, slippers etc. didn’t quite hit the spot.

The Broons, Oor Wullie, The Beano, The Dandy, The Victor and The Rothmans Football Year Book were all very acceptable for reading material. And the copious amounts of chocolate from selection boxes.

All in all Xmas presents were pretty damn fine. Well done you Santa.

In later years things became a tad more sophisticated. My Timex watch, which showed numbers rather than having hands and a face, was a wow moment. I didn’t realise that buses didn’t run exactly to the timetable until I had that watch. There was also a pen, which could produce about ten colours of ink although it was fairly bulky. A full size drawing board complete with set square, those clear plastic triangles and a proper compass and dividers was used for years.

Music albums, cassettes CDs, music players of varying sizes and sound quality, cameras of varying size and quality although it was rare that the films were ever developed because it wasn’t cheap.

Yes Santa you did me proud.

I’m offering a deal here. I’ll not write to you again, ever, if you deliver the following requests? I’m sure this would save you and the elves time since it would reduce the metal bashing, wood turning and electronic soldering which modern day elves have to be experts on.

My list this year is –

1. Reduce the size of the BBC as suggested by Peter Jay.
2. Make the Guardian cease to exist or have it move right by a few degrees.
3. Shut the IPCC down.
4. Begin criminal prosecutions against all those scientists, journalists, politicians and general gobby warmists who have been responsible for presenting information in a misleading and biased form, which have resulted in policy development detrimental to the wider population.
5. Disband the EU instantly.

I have many other similar requests Santa but I think these five should “hit the spot as it were”.

I shall ensure that a drink, a cake and a carrot or two are left out for you and the reindeers when you make good the delivery of the aforementioned items.

All that is left to say is “have a restful time following your busy evening on the 25^th. I hope your New Year is jolly good and all the better for knowing you will have one less delivery to make from now on.

Bah humbug!  

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