Dear Mr Hague
I know you've been under intense pressure in the past 24 hours regarding your personal life but I would like to thank you for saving my sanity during that period. Your timing was perfect.
Yesterday a man published a book about himself and in the past week or so thought he'd spoken to everyone he surmised would be valuable to the success of his book launch. Yet you dominated the headlines. Excellent.
By yesterday evening you were still headlines and Channel 4 News' Labour leaders' debate drifted into oblivion (the only place for it). Again I thank you for saving me from the endless media analysis of the Not Famous Five.
Your sexuality doesn't interest me in the least but your capabilities as the country's Foreign Secretary do. In your position sharing a twin room with a male colleague was rather a silly thing to do, but people like me are forced to do it regularly, even with strangers. Only last year I was enrolled on a training course and arrived to find I was sharing a twin room with a total stranger - female of course. It could have spiced the weekend up a little if it had been some unknown male, but alas, I'll never know.
Now you've given your detailed response the matter should be laid to rest and you get on with the job which we pay you to do. Time to come up with some answers about the transfer of powers to the EU and to give us a vote on these. Time to clarify how the changes in the EU justice system will affect us. Lots of problems for you to resolve.
My sincere thanks once again.
PS May I suggest you buy a camper van for your personal use during campaigns? I know they're advertised as having room for two, but from experience the space is only enough for one plus a decent sized TV. Don't buy one if you're in the least claustrophobic.