Thursday, 11 April 2013

A Husband's Point Of View



 The Author?  No

Pam Ayres is not the author of this ditty.  It is the work of John Summers who kindly provided this link.
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
   
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.

12 comments:

Joe Public said...

A candidate for Poet Laureate?

John Brownlie said...

Yes, I did laugh out loud!!

subrosa said...

She'd certainly bring the post alive Joe. :)

subrosa said...

Strangely enough, I did too John. ;)

Demetrius said...

Ah, after J. Milton Hayes in the style of Rudyard Kipling and very well done. You may call me Mad Carew.

John Summers said...

Poem is NOT by Pam Ayers ... it's by me :) .... it's all over the net saying it's by Pam Ayres .... noooo ! :) ....

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/booksblog/2013/mar/28/50-shades-pastiche-pam-ayres-el-james

JRB said...

… and here was me naively thinking “50 Shades of Grey” was a paint chart for the colour-blind.

Sheila said...

Tee Hee - ta for the giggle :)

subrosa said...

Hello Mad Carew.

subrosa said...

John, I will amend the post accordingly. Thanks for letting me know.

subrosa said...

I could visualise many men locking themselves in the bathroom if anything like this happened in their abode Sheila. :)

subrosa said...

It's not in the National Trust's paint catalogue JRB. :)

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