Monday, 22 November 2010

Knickers or Not?


I'm sure most of you have seen the above photograph.  There's always one who doesn't get the message of how to sit isn't there?  Even today so many pose (men and women) for photographs without the knowledge that we look slightly better with one foot in front of the other - instead of a military style stance such as above - yet we only remember once the shutter has shuttered. The kilted military appear to have been taught to pose knees akimbo but without instruction as to where to place the sporran - if the above photo is to be believed.

Kilt wearers are being pilloried.  They're a filthy lot.  Kilt hire companies are complaining that kilts are returned 'in such a dirty state that they were too unhygienic for staff to handle'.  Tut tut.  The Tartans Authority director Brian Wilson said kilt wearers should have the 'common sense' to realise they should wear underwear beneath our country's national dress.

Does it surprise me as a Scotswoman?  Auch no.  Men aren't known to use provided toilet paper to dry their willies or, in emergencies, other waste producing orifices.  I include men from many cultures not just Scotsmen in that comment.  But I admit the smell from kilts in my family is not that of human waste but beer that has missed the spot.  Many kilts have had to be dry-cleaned because beer stiffens wool into a firm cement and makes them more or less unwearable.

All things considered I'm on the side of choice.  If men prefer no knickers under their kilts then they should know not to use the metres of yarn as they would use torn up pieces of the local rag.

As for the kilt hirers, I suggest they are more thorough in examining returned kilts upon return and fine the offenders.  A packet of these may emphasise the message and ensure the wearing of underwear in customers with less than perfect pelvic muscles.

I can't see men who have never worn knickers under their kilts being brow-beaten into changing.  Can you?

Let's not discuss the perfume from sporrans...

source

23 comments:

MazdaMX3 said...

I think the photo is probably a fake, but totally agree with your sentiment about hirers of Scottish apparel. As for wiping one's willy with provided bog roll: I take it you've never seen inside a Gents loo...there's knack all next to the urinals!

Now, we could always have a tap and blade drier attached to each and every urinal...but you'd never get us chaps out of there! ;-)

Key bored warrior. said...

There really is no need for this if one waggles ones willy properly. personally I use one of these...http://tiny.cc/cbsa0

The guy in the photgraph was either a perv or this was faked, any one know which?

At a recent Highland games this year as i entered the park i became aware of a dancing judge in full regalia sitting next to a stage obviously waiting for the contestants to appear with his legs wide aprt and his wrinkled old tackle flapping in the breeze. Fortunately an officer of the law was nearby and i complained that wee kids were exposed to this mans tackle and it was not very decent. He had a word with the old bugger but he stil manged to flash a few times as others were talking about it. So pervs find ways of getting into positions where they can expose them selves to kids. Maybe the law needs to be looked at?

tris said...

I was fascinated to read of the pads there.

There's level 1 for a few drops, and level 2 for more that a few drops... I was wondering if level 3 was a bucket...

Believe it or not the word recognition on this post was "mings"

cynicalHighlander said...

Would he be standing to attention if that was Kate next to him? Just asking.

John said...

This is quite a well known Photoshop. I once served alongside the HLI and there was a mirror on the floor of the guardroom to check troops were properly dressed. So far as I recall. pants had to be worn on defined occasions and events. Anything involving dancing was one.

CrazyDaisy said...

Madame,

Not faked, I am traditional and wear it Royal Marine style ;) ! Mind you it is my own kilt. I'm not bothered if softies need to wear underpants, this laddie is not for turning!

Sunny here Liam Fox visiting soon!

CD

Joe Public said...

Knickers?

I thought you should be referring to Kecks?

Definition #2:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=kecks

subrosa said...

It possibly is Mazda. No I've never been inside a British mens toilet but plenty of unisex ones overseas and many of them didn't have paper. That's why women carry tissues. ;)

subrosa said...

Auch KBW, your link isn't working. ;)

Perverts will always find a way won't they. I think there is a law already KBW, like many of them it just needs enforcing.

subrosa said...

There you are Tris. Now you'll have no excuse in your old age.

Love the WV. :)

subrosa said...

Quite possibly CH. :)

subrosa said...

Aye John, at dancing they used to be mandatory. I thought it a fake but it suits the story.

subrosa said...

Sir, most of the men I use do it your style, unless it's freezing weather then a pair of dark coloured boxers come into service.

Oh CD, lucky you. Don't get overexcited now. ;)

subrosa said...

I'd forgotten that word Joe. It's a long time since I heard it, but then, I don't often discuss men's underwear with anyone.

Budvar said...

I don't know Rosie, is it me or what but don't these kilt hirers know of a thing called dry cleaning? As for the "kilts are returned 'in such a dirty state that they were too unhygienic for staff to handle", might I add that "Staff" in my opinion need to harden the fuck up! Anyone would think they're handling something from the bowels of Chernobyl and not a few skids and beer slops..

RMcGeddon said...

I remember going to see Russell Hunter in a stand up show back in the 80's at Dundee Rep. He played 'Lonely' in the 'Callan' series with Edward Woodward.
He wore a kilt for the show and said that women loved men in a kilt because of the 'accessability'. I don't know what he could mean ;)
He also told the story about the kilted wedding guest who got friendly with the bridesmaid by snuggling up on her lap. With predictable results of skiddies on the posh dress and screaming bridesmaid running for the toilet.
Probably a fake story as I've heard Billy Connolly claim it aswell.

subrosa said...

I'd agree with you Budvar. Was always told the cost of dry cleaning was in the hire fee.

If they're so bothered then why don't they invest in a packet of these vinyl gloves.

subrosa said...

Hadn't heard that story myself RM but it wouldn't surprise me. ;)

Aye Russell Hunter, I remember hum. That would have been the old Rep or the new one? The new one opened later in the 80s I think didn't it.

Dark Lochnagar said...

Rosie, "Men aren't known to use provided toilet paper to dry their willies". Have you ever been in a urinal? C'mon on. Do you think we're going to have a pee and then hope a cubicle id free so we can march in holding our kilts in front of us looking for some lavvy paper. The idea is ridiculous!

Most men's idea of hygiene, is wiping himself dry on the curtains after sex!

subrosa said...

You know DL, I've learned a lot about male hygiene with this post. I must pay more attention. ;)

Hamish said...

Many men including myself were put off wearing the kilt by the insistence that you were not a True Scot, a complete Jessie, if you wore something under it.
That was not traditional, it was said.
The fact is that in times past, underwear was a luxury which only the rich could afford. Hand-made from expensve materials like silk.
Whether wearing kilts, britches, skirts, there was nothing on underneath.
With the advent of mass-produced garments made from cotton, that changed.
It is bizarre that only kilt-wearers in Scotland are expected to be traditional in this respect.
Why not those wearing trousers and skirts?

subrosa said...

I think we all still have a choice what or if we wear underwear Hamish don't we? I just prefer it but I've known plenty women who didn't.

Silk is nearly as cheap as good cotton these days and it's a good insulator.

Dark Lochnagar said...

I do find though Hamish, a great deal of 'freedom' in not wearing pants under a kilt. It's nice to get the wedding tackle swinging about with some freedom, instead of being restricted in a pair of knickers. The coarse material of the kilt can even be stimulating, if you take my meaning. I better shut up before the blog owner moderates me!

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