Sunday, 14 March 2010

Free Care for the Elderly

New elderly care programme

The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.

Join the new free care plan today. If you are 65 years or older, you can apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.

You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England ), one MSP, one councillor and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you really don't like and think the world could do without.

As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure you are caught and in due course will be sent to prison.

There you will get a safe central heated environment, three meals a day, lots of company, free TV and an assortment of games plus - most importantly - all the health care you need! New teeth needed? No problem. New glasses? They'll be provided. New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart?* They're all covered too. *

Who will pay for all of this? The same government that told you they cannot afford your current health care.

And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income tax anymore.

Is Britain A GREAT country or what?

*Restrictions may apply. If you get terminal prostate cancer, you may be released and flown to a far off, sunny country, where you can live a bit longer with your friends and family. This is known as the Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi clause.


Mark Wadsworth said...

The Libyan guy was Scottish, actually, known to his friends as "Al McGrahey"

Witterings From Witney said...

As a member of the Scottish Empire (English) and I can shoot 2 MPs, one MSP and one councillor, I won't have a bullet for the one person I really hate.

Is this shortage in the allocation of bullets due to a lack of the Scottish education system in maths - or is it just a Scot being 'mean'?

Joke, Angel - where do I sign?

Mr. Mxyzptlk said...

Free care or paid for care what you want is 'GOOD' care and the truth is from the Care i have come in contact with.........its all bad

and is something to be avoided a swift and unexpected death is a good death for me.

Um!! posting a blog suggesting shooting MPs is a bit daring these days could end up with a visit from old bill and a breach of the peace Charge.

I am counting on the Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi clause. at a later date

subrosa said...

Good one Mark! You're on the ball today while I'm fading fast.

subrosa said...

Save a place in the queue for me WFW.

Actually this was sent to me by an Irishman WFW. :)

subrosa said...

Ah Niko, the post is labelled 'humour' so I can't see it being taken literally. Then again...

Care varies from the sublime to the ridiculous Niko. It's the shoving around between the numerous agencies which gets to me or did when I was looking for help for my mother. The endless 'assessments' - all I wanted was a loan of a seat which would attached to the toilet to raise the level. In the end I finally managed to buy one online.

Mr. Mxyzptlk said...


My mother in law was in hospital diagnosed with Multi-infarct dementia.
The hospital said the family should find a home for her. But as she had Dementia finding a home was difficult after a few days the hospital said if the family had not found a local
placement they would locate one themselves and the likelihood was it would be 70 miles away.

The family did find one after a mad scramble(and a few tears) and she went there (dying a few weeks later)

The hospital said they needed the bed urgently.

Elderly care the fact is this society does not care about their Elderly citisens.

Oldrightie said...

Hi, Subrosa, this dreadful chesnut is yet another sign of the Labour dismantling of responsibility. There was a time when families cared for there aged Ps. I am also appalled that Niko's tragic experience still leaves him such a staunch follower of Labour.

Mr. Mxyzptlk said...

I am afraid Oldrightie all the political party's throughout the politician spectrum.

Reflect the general belief found in society that elderly people are worthless expensive burden.

They all have the pretense of caring which is somewhat undermined by the lack of funding which has always been the case.

subrosa said...

It's something which has been ignored by many governments OR. The money we've put into the pot was long spent before it hit the sides instead of it being accumulated to help if we needed it. No political party can say they care for the elderly. They don't.

Witterings From Witney said...

Ok SR, Irish - that explains the lack f mathmatical ability! It did cross my mind that a canny Scots lass would not make such an elementary error!

I withdraw my undeserved and unfounded slur.

As ever, your humble and most obedient fan.....

subrosa said...

Oh dear WFW, I think I've dropped one of my dearest friends in it. Then again, they've been friends of mine for 34 years now so they'll understand. :)

Mrs Rigby said...

Darn it, I'm unlikely to get prostate problems, so how can I get sent to somewhere sunny for my declining years?

@ WfW - be creative, get them to stand in line and get two for one.

Apogee said...

Can we select a Lee-Enfield .303,
Mrs Rigby ,should give at least four for one!

banned said...

Lots of funky free sex in the showers by all accounts.

SR "It's the shoving around between the numerous agencies..." which is about whose budget will be spent, yours, your GP Practice, NHS PCT or the Social Services. Lots of money gets spent in endless meetings on such decisions, going over the same ground again and again.

subrosa said...

I'm sure we could have incontinence problems Mrs R, if we try hard. ;)

subrosa said...

I know nothing about guns Apogee, so I will accept your superior knowledge.

subrosa said...

Aye banned, that's it exactly and it's money which should be spent on the patient/client/person in need. (I don't know what they call is these days).

Crinkly & Ragged Arsed Philosophers said...

Actually there is a new scheme (I use that word advisedly)being introduced under the auspices of Adult Services.

It's referred to as "personalisation" and introduced as personal budgets and self directed care.

Sold under the banner of improvement, it is in fact designed to spread confusion and anxiety for those who need and are entitled to care, while lessening the responsibilities and costs to the welfare budgets.

From a bureaucrats point of view it achieves the objective of making an already complicated, unwieldy and selective system even more so - probably beyond the point where its fit for use; hence the saving, by maximising the exasperation factors.

The alternative is for the elderly to become geriatric entrepreneurs employing their own carers. Inclusive of all the book keeping, PAYE etc.,responsibilities.

This initiative is being marketed by Age Concern and Help the Aged on behalf of their donors the government, local government and health trusts.

Is this a joke?

Would that it were; it's serious and its purpose is deadly.

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