Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1 Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2 Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3 Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5 Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6 Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7 Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8 Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10 Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11 Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12 Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists..
13 Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14 Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15 Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16 Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Last year, The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the year's winners:
1 Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2 Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3 Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4 Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5 Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6 Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
7 Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease.
8 Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
9 Decafalon (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10 Glibido (v) All talk and no action.
11 Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12 Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13 Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14 Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and a bum.
The winners are:
1 Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
2 Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3 Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5 Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
6 Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7 Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
8 Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
9 Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10 Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
11 Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
12 Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists..
13 Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
14 Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15 Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16 Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Last year, The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the year's winners:
1 Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2 Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
3 Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
4 Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
5 Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
6 Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
7 Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease.
8 Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
9 Decafalon (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
10 Glibido (v) All talk and no action.
11 Dopeler effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
12 Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
13 Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
14 Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and a bum.
My thanks to the lovely Faux Cu
Posts
7 comments:
Thank you, sr, fun.
Anent 12 on the list - truth is stranger than fancy. The tarantelle dance is intended to mimic the hopping and skipping of someone who has just been bitten on the foot by a tarantula. It really is. Would I lie to you?
Oh know Vronsky, you'd never lie to me. Not knowingly anyway. ;)
I enjoyed that - ta.
They missed out:
Ambulance - the prevailing mood in a Shettleston pub.
Now Jim, that's a great one! I think I'll do our own competition sometime and keep this one to start it off.
Drat. That was me there. Subject was new mottoes seen on a pub here in the Dear Green Place.
I.e.
'Enter as a stranger, leave as a statistic.'
and
'Traditional hospitalisation'
I think that's what I read, anyway.
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