DUNDEE HURRICANE APPEAL
Hurricane 'Senga' hit the Tayside city of Dundee in the early hours of yesterday morning.
Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly muttering, "Pure mental man, no?"
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £90 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Benidorm were damaged beyond repair. Three historically important areas of burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived the next morning.
Police state that incidences of looting, muggings and car crime were particularly high during the night, but calmed down when the hurricane struck.
Twenty-two asylum seekers were rescued from an apartment in the Fintry Area, rescuers are going to search the second bedroom later today.
Radio Tay reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Dundee.
One resident, Bernadette O'Reilly, a 15 year old mother of 5 said, "It gied me a pure fright so's it did. Meh little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into meh bedroom greetin'. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Natasha slept through it all. Eh wiz still shaking when eh was watching Trisha the next morning, so eh wiz".
Neighbour Joseph 'young young' McGurn said, "The noise wiz tremendous. At first eh thoat it wiz the Neds coming oot of The Cutty Sark Bar, but it Wiz even worser."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bon Accord Pola Cola and two tons of deep fried mars bars to the area to help stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found quantities of personal belongings including Benefit books and bone china from Poundstretchers.
Residents in neighbouring Arbroath offered to accommodate those left homeless, but the Dundee people decided they were better off where they were.
A Council spokesman has indicated that it would take take at least a full morning to get things looking like normal and added "There has been a Blitz spirit. Everybody's been pure blitzed".
Poundstretcher has agreed to stay open 24 hours to allow residents to refurbish their homes.
The Government has pledged to ensure that bookies, pubs, chip shops and other essential services will reopen as soon as possible.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing most sought after includes - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Hoodies, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots or Adidas trainers.
Food parcels are also urgently required. Please try to include - Microwave chips, Pies from Greggs, Sugar Puffs, Tins of spaghetti, Gypsy Creams, Curly-Wurlies, Red Cola, cans of Special Brew and Diamond White, bottles of Buckie or El Dorado, glue or hairspray.
Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and Irn-Bru for a family of nine. £3 will pay for a pouch of tobacco, papers and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
*Breaking News*
Rescue workers have found a 10-year-old girl in the rubble. Apparently she was smothered in raspberry Alco- pop. When asked where she was bleeding from she replied, "The Kingsway. Whit's it got to dae wi' you?"
Victims were seen wandering round aimlessly muttering, "Pure mental man, no?"
The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £90 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and Benidorm were damaged beyond repair. Three historically important areas of burnt out cars were disturbed.
Many locals were woken well before their Giros arrived the next morning.
Police state that incidences of looting, muggings and car crime were particularly high during the night, but calmed down when the hurricane struck.
Twenty-two asylum seekers were rescued from an apartment in the Fintry Area, rescuers are going to search the second bedroom later today.
Radio Tay reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Dundee.
One resident, Bernadette O'Reilly, a 15 year old mother of 5 said, "It gied me a pure fright so's it did. Meh little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into meh bedroom greetin'. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Natasha slept through it all. Eh wiz still shaking when eh was watching Trisha the next morning, so eh wiz".
Neighbour Joseph 'young young' McGurn said, "The noise wiz tremendous. At first eh thoat it wiz the Neds coming oot of The Cutty Sark Bar, but it Wiz even worser."
The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Bon Accord Pola Cola and two tons of deep fried mars bars to the area to help stricken locals.
Rescue workers are still searching the rubble and have found quantities of personal belongings including Benefit books and bone china from Poundstretchers.
Residents in neighbouring Arbroath offered to accommodate those left homeless, but the Dundee people decided they were better off where they were.
A Council spokesman has indicated that it would take take at least a full morning to get things looking like normal and added "There has been a Blitz spirit. Everybody's been pure blitzed".
Poundstretcher has agreed to stay open 24 hours to allow residents to refurbish their homes.
The Government has pledged to ensure that bookies, pubs, chip shops and other essential services will reopen as soon as possible.
HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This Appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing most sought after includes - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Hoodies, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks, Rockport boots or Adidas trainers.
Food parcels are also urgently required. Please try to include - Microwave chips, Pies from Greggs, Sugar Puffs, Tins of spaghetti, Gypsy Creams, Curly-Wurlies, Red Cola, cans of Special Brew and Diamond White, bottles of Buckie or El Dorado, glue or hairspray.
Just 22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms. £2 buys chips, crisps and Irn-Bru for a family of nine. £3 will pay for a pouch of tobacco, papers and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.
*Breaking News*
Rescue workers have found a 10-year-old girl in the rubble. Apparently she was smothered in raspberry Alco- pop. When asked where she was bleeding from she replied, "The Kingsway. Whit's it got to dae wi' you?"
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10 comments:
I have some Buckfast tokens, any use ?
IEBOC, I'm quite sure someone would trade them :)
The funny/sad thing is it's almost believable. Good laugh onyhow.
Ouch!
(I was in Dundee city centre with my Adidas trainers on yesterday, but I gave up on the Special Brew years ago!)
Oh Stuart, I hope I haven't upset you, but I'm sure you're able to see the funny side.
It's definitely been written by a Dundonian scunnert, one who can laugh at him/herself. Wasn't me either ;)
I once worked in Dundee on the Whitfield estate. I met and made many good friends, but the estate was like many council sink estates in the UK in a dreadful plight. Sixteen year old lassie getting houses because they had a wean. Many of them on drugs and working as prostitutes to feed their habit. Young lads on Buckie. Muggings and stabbings. One lot stole a pony from a nearby farm and locked it in a flat having first got it to inhale glue from a bin bag. it kicked every thing to bits before the RSPCA managed to control the situation.
Statistics may prove me wrong but it seems to me Dundee being a city in industrial decline shares many problems with others in the same boat, and is no worse or better.
Having a Scotch pie described as a "Lochee steak," in the local chippy typified the black humour necessary to survive.
The local Pub in Whitfield was run at the time by a wee lassie who's claim to fame was her accuracy and power with the Baseball bat she kept hidden behind the bar.
Happy days.
It's not a bad city KW just a neglected city. When I was a wee girl I could wander through the streets to my granny without a worry. Now I wouldn't dream of even walking through the town centre after dark.
The humour could also be applied to Glasgow I expect but Edinburgh would perhaps take the hump.
Dundee people haven't changed although it's less of a matriarchal society these days, it's society in general which has changed.
Subrosa, no you certainly haven't upset me, and I found the article quite amusing.
I wear my trainers because I can't find anything comfier for walking a few miles, they're not a fashion statement ;O)
I've got trainers Stuart, but I'm of an age when, if I wear them, people seriously think I'm a pensioner.
I prefer to struggle on with typical women's footwear until I can no longer find anything which provides comfort. Then I shall turn to my beloved trainers, which I've had for 3 years and they look hardly used. I really must go upstairs in the gym more often instead of just heading for the pool.
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