The EU Proposes A Single Language For Europe

This week my main topic has been the EU so I thought I'd end the week on a cheerier note.

A few of you may have seen this proposal already. The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”. In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”.. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the second year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with an “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, public akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in languag is disgrasful and it should go away. By the 4th yer people will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”. During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords containing “ou” and after ze fifz yer ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like ze vunted in ze forst plas.